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One Life: A Memorial for A Lost Pet

    Yesterday, July 11, 2025, my cat, Kačka, died. I woke up to find her body in the kitchen. It still feels surreal to think that she is gone. Twelve years of her goofiness, cuddly-ness, and presence. This is a music blog, so I will include some music: my own. From my album Untitled No. 2 (West Texas Fantasies) which was recorded between winter 2020 and summer 2021 and, as it is apt to happen when recording ambient sounds in a house with a cat, has a sample of Kačka in the final track, "Just drips in an empty sink".  

    Kačka came into my life with a bit of a scare. In late July 2013, I was working as a TA in the School of Music at Texas Tech getting the computer lab I taught out of ready for classes when I received a text from my mother that just read "We need to talk." Anyone will recognize the concern of "what have I done" or "what horrible thing has happened" that ran through my head when I read that message. So, as soon as I had a moment, I called my mom to determine what was going on only to be greeted with a "we found a kitten on our morning walk but don't have anywhere for it to go since your dad is allergic." Relief and amusement. 

    I then met this sweet kitten when we picked her up from the vet and she immediately fell asleep in my lap on the ride to my house at the time. I posted her photo online to let people know she was up for adoption, but deep down, I was pretty sure she had found her forever home. I had recently returned from a trip to the Czech Republic which is where her name originated. My mom wanting to call her Mackenzie after the park in in which she was found; but, me opting for a more "original" name, decided to call her "cat" in Czech, kočka, but I misspelled it. 

    I've been seeing reminders constantly, obviously since I have spent these days at home instead of at work, but seeing her unfinished food, her little blue fuzz-ball in the bathroom, and being covered in her hair all day after taking her paw prints. Last night was hard, going to bed knowing she wasn't there; not hearing her meowing at me to let me know it's tine for sleep. 

    I wrote this sitting at a bar surrounded by people who were celebrating the end of the work week while I mourn the end of my kitten. The past twelve years seem a blur. Three different addresses, a doctorate, a hand full of relationships, two cars, four jobs, and so much more. I can't believe my baby girl was with me for almost a third of my life. What do I do now? 

    I know what I must do. The world keeps turning, life keeps going, time keeps ticking. No matter how much I wish things would just stop and let me process, they won't. All I can do is keep going. I can keep her in my memory and find somewhere else to give my love. Twelve years of the best times and the worst times. Year of joy, sadness, anger, love, boredom, excitement, and all the things. I can't say it was the best time of my life, but I can say she was the best part of it. Truly she was the only constant over all of it. 

    I will miss you, my dear Kačka. Every time I get ready to leave the house and habitually call our that I love you to behave yourself. Every time I lay down to go to sleep and await you booping my nose to let me know you want under the covers. Every time I come home expecting the little taps of your class as you run from the bedroom or the little "mrow" noise you'd make when I surprised you. Every morning when you'd forget I hadn't left the house yet and would yowl from the other room before I'd call to you and you'd come running. All these moments will hurt. But in time the hurt will fade and I will go on. Despite the fading immediacy of recollection, you will always be in my heart and in my memories. 

    Yesterday was my first day without you. Today will be my second. I will continue because I must. You were such an incredible part of my life, and I am deeply thankful for the time we had. I wish we had more time, but am happy for what was. You had what I hope was a good life. There are many things I could have done better, of course, but overall, I think you were pretty happy. 

Goodbye, sweet kitten. The world will never be the same without you. 



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